The good news is it is possible to enjoy a more relaxed and peaceful relationship with food and eating that doesn’t involve cutting out “just this one food!”, counting, measuring or controlling. Instead, we suggest that you start from the inside, the place where your wisdom & intuition resides. When we privilege knowledge over wisdom, we lose the ability to tune into what our body needs and wants, we lose the ability to trust ourselves, to nourish ourselves from a place of respect and care. Instead, we try to “think” our way through it, which disconnects us from body cues and the ability to make mindful, in-the-moment choices which truly honour our body.

I have broken down this process into a number of steps, and what you’ll notice is that mindfulness is a theme at each step. Please note that when you’re in a highly stressed or anxious state, this process is likely to be more difficult to enact. So, my suggestion is that you aim to practice when you’re in a relatively calm state, just to get those mindfulness & wisdom muscles firing when you need them most!

Step 1: Take a mindful & deliberate pause, making an intentional decision to be present.

So much of what we do, particularly the process of eating, is mindless and automatic. We might eat habitually, eating when we’re not hungry or not eating when in fact we are hungry.  We might reach for food, eat it, and even finish it before we’ve even realised what’s happening!

So the first step would be to take a mindful pause, making it deliberate and intentional. Our aim is to place our attention very carefully & specifically on this moment, with the intention to hold it gently & with curiosity. Be aware of any judgement or criticism, and let it go (you’ve tried it before….. I promise being harsh & critical won’t help you!).

Step 2: Take 1 deep breath, gently taking your attention inwards.

Take our attention into your body (using a brief whole body scan, it can just be quick, a few seconds). Again, we’re taking a deliberate action here, one which opens up possibilities and true choice. We making the conscious choice about whether to eat, or not.

Pause, and take a few seconds to check in with your body.

Ask yourself these questions…

Am I hungry? Am I full? Or am I neither?

How hungry/full am I (quick 1-10 scan, 1 being most hungry, 5 being “neutral” or neither full nor hungry, 10 being most full), see pic below for a guide
What would truly nourish me in this moment? Is it food? Or something else?

Step 3: Make a choice – eat, or don’t eat.

Make your choice from a place of kindness, commitment & acceptance. You are in charge and are capable of making a choice based on your needs, wants and desires. You may realise that your body does need nourishment (see guide below) and it’s time to eat, or you may realise that in fact you’re not really hungry but there’s something else going on. So you’re at a “fork” (sorry, pun intended!) in your road. Let’s keep exploring……

Step 4: What kind of food is it that I want?

If you’ve decided to eat, aim to place deliberate awareness on the choices in front of you. You may have multiple choices, or limited choices. This is the point where you turn to your body, rather than your mind, to guide you. This is also be point where your mind might jump in with all the usual rules, regulations, threats or just “old stories” that seem to pop up.

How do I make a choice by listening to my body?

First of all, aim to let go of expectations or that there’s a “right” answer. There’s not. You are free to find foods that feel like a good “match” for how you’re feeling now. I encourage you to view this all an experiment, where you are free to explore options. Free of rules and regulations, you are much more likely to be able to figure out what feels good to you. It’s much more important to make a decision with your whole heart than it is to make the “right” decision. It’s perfectly OK to make mistakes (or “oopsy!” as I call it, you can make it lighthearted if you wish?), it’s all part of learning. We don’t shame children for having accidents when they’re learning to use the bathroom, and this is a process of learning about our body signals too.

Before you reach for any food, take a few seconds just to breathe, which can help you make a choice from a clear & calm place. Consider the options available to you. It might be helpful to quickly run through the major attributes of food such as sweet/savoury, crunchy/smooth, hot/cold?

Then, take charge, and let go of second guessing or doubting your choice. Let go of giving yourself a hard time, or beating yourself up about the choice you’ve made. Reflect on how it’s helped you in the past, or not? Giving yourself a hard time just takes away the joy of eating, so aim to notice if those thoughts are creeping in, then aim to gently remind yourself to let them go so you can focus on the taste of your food.

Step 5: Savour your meal. Be present and enjoy it!

Bring your full awareness to your meal, or particularly your first bite (see here for an explanation of the “1 Mindful Bite” activity). Engage with all the sensations and eat with your full attention.

For many of us, we get so busy that we’re not present with our food. We’re thinking about something happening in the future, something that’s already happened, making to-do lists or drifting off into fantasy.  These experiences can leave us full of food, but yearning for something more fulfilling, which is when we might reach for more food, feeling that we are unsatisfied. And most often, this just leaves us more full, more uncomfortable and less fulfilled.

When we connect with the experience of eating, we’re able to enjoy and notice all the experiences that are available to us. It’s not just about the food or meal itself, we can notice flavour, texture, the nuances of different sensations within the same mouthful. When we bypass these experiences, we can miss the opportunities for connecting with food and eating in a way that can be truly be fulfilling, and you are able to experience eating in a different way.

Step 6: Track your experience using appetite cues

This is often the toughest step, as we can have a tendency to move more into autopilot mode once we start a meal. Remember that these are opportunities for learning, rather than opportunities to find fault with yourself. Please take your time, and be kind.

As a practical suggestion, take a pause halfway through your meal just to check with yourself. The aim here is not to control anything, or reach for a certain outcome (eg. not finishing your meal) but just to remain in a curious frame of mind. Take a few breaths and check in with your body using the 1-10 scale. How are you feeling physically? Once you’ve found your number, ask yourself “what are the specific sensations that I’m picking up on that are telling me this number.” Remember that sensations part way through a meal are much more subtle, because you’re less likely to be really hungry, or really full, but somewhere in between. These are the specific signals you can build skills in picking up on, so you know when to slow down, and when to stop.

Make a choice – keep eating, or discontinue eating

See the suggestions in Step 3, because the principles are pretty much the same. There’s no right, or wrong. Sometimes you’ll hit the mark, sometimes it’ll be an “oopsy!” when you slightly, or more significantly under-shot, or over-shot your most comfortable point. There is no such thing as perfect mindful eating. The fact that you’re placing your attention on your cues is a fantastic task, in and of itself.

Step 7: Create space for non-judgemental reflection

Now that you’ve eaten as much food as you have chosen for now, take a few minutes to reflect – as always, with a spirit of openness, honesty and kindness. Beating yourself up at this point can block your ability to reflect mindfully, and you can miss critical opportunities for learning and growth.

How do you reflect? One suggestion is that you deliberately spend a few minutes after your meal placing attention on your experience, without judging. Did the meal satisfy you? How attentive were you through the meal? Did you enjoy the meal? And the eating experience? How does your body feel (scan 1-10)? Notice the experience of your body – did the combination of foods feel like a good match (particularly good if you have intolerances or a medical condition which is managed by diet)?

Notice whatever information comes to you. You may notice some judgement, or criticism. Aim to notice it, and gently step away, reminding yourself that you’re learning.

Step 8: Move on

This is the part that people find perplexing. My clients will often speak about the natural eaters in their lives with wonder, noticing that they seem to be able to “just move on” after a meal. This is what we’re aiming for too. For food and eating to be just one part (an enjoyable one!) of your day.

Move on to the next thing in your day. Do something that has nothing at all to do with food. For many people, this can be another tough step as we’re aiming to let go of repetitive thoughts around food, eating, body, rules etc. But you can move on; it gets less effortful over time and with practice.

When we’re trying to control our bodies, or weight, we become disconnected from our innate wisdom, the part of us that is so helpful when it comes to nourishing ourselves. Along with disconnection comes mistrust, and we may believe that the only way to feel good (read: our cultures very warped ideas about what bodies “should” look like) is to control our food, control our eating, control our bodies. But in releasing this control, we don’t become out of control, we become in charge. We step into a space that is rightfully ours to occupy. A place from where we can re-connect with the trust and wisdom that helps us truly be and feel nourished.