Body Positive Australia

I won’t give gold stars for weight loss

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Dear (Client),

Hi! It was so lovely to speak with you a short while ago when you called to make an appointment. You have checked out my services online (good for you!) & you like my Non Diet Approach & Mindful Eating philosophy. You have told me that you are having difficulties with your relationship with food, eating and the way you feel about your body. Thank you so much for sharing that with me.

You expressed that you are concerned about your body & have asked me if the Non Diet Approach & Mindful Eating will help you lose weight. And I said “I don’t know.” And I heard a “….pause…” I felt a strong urge to follow this by “I’m so sorry” but rather than apologise I’ll tell you why it’s so important to me that I’m honest, not apologetic, and why this takes some courage.

I’m telling you this because I value authenticity over certainty. I’m willing to take the risk that what I have to offer may not sound fabulous(!) and sparkly(!), but I choose to be brave in taking that risk. I understand that in doing so, you may choose not to work with me. And I’m OK with that, and truly wish you well. Read More

I honestly don’t know what will happen to your weight and body shape if you come along for the Non Diet Approach ride, which offers a wellbeing-centred approach to find a more peaceful relationship with eating and your body. If anyone offers you guarantees, I suggest you *back away slowly* whilst pointing out that I really do understand that certainty and guarantees can be really seductive. I acknowledge that the path from here may feel really scary, and foreign, that you might feel like you’re jumping from a cliff into the deep dark unknown, with only my reassuring voice to hold you to steady – until you find your own. This can be tough. I’m not going to pretend it’s easy, but what I can offer is that it will be worthwhile.

But there’s plenty that I can offer you, which I hope you’ll find valuable.

I will offer you the best of my undivided attention, my energy, my experience (most of which I’ve learned from incredible and very courageous clients). My commitment is that I will sit with you. Whatever happens. Through the discomfort, through the struggle, through the high-fives and the sighs. Let me just say, I’ll be the first to cheer if you’re feeling more connected, more confident, more vibrant, more joyous. YIPPEE!! (but I’m sorry, there are no gold stars here for weight loss, so if this does happen – and it may – you’ll need to expect a neutral but friendly “OK” from me).

I will support you to find ways to listen to your body. To tune in to its wisdom, rather than turning away. To gather the courage to lean in & create space where you can more fully explore your options when times get tough. To discover the incredible joy in food and eating. To develop new ways to take care of yourself through food, eating, movement and rest. Ways that suit you. To find a more peaceful way forward to live a full, joyous and imperfect life.

But most of all I’m telling this because I absolutely 100% believe that you are, we all are, so more than a body. You are a full human being. You are enough.

Thankyou so much for contacting me. I hope to meet you soon.

Fi

gold star

The Power of Pause…

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“Taking a pause” is a phrase we use all the time when talking with clients, colleagues or our groups, particularly for times when people are really struggling with using food to deal with difficult situations, emotions or experiences. Taking time to slow down, then press pause can be really powerful & effective tool in developing awareness & insight about eating behaviours, but also in feeling more empowered to do things differently. On one hand, it seems so simple….just pause….but we would never say “just” do anything, especially when we know it sounds easier than it is (like “just ditch dieting” for example!). In fact, learning the skills of pausing require practice & commitment to mindfulness, which essentially is a “remembering to remember.” Read More

The aim of pausing is not to disconnect from what’s happening, but rather to connect. Whoa. I know. The last thing you want to do when the chips are down (sorry), and all you feel like is eating them! But in turning in, rather than turning away (to food), you are saying something really important to yourself. You’re saying (I would suggest gently and kindly) ”hey, what’s going on?” which is a really, REALLY important step in trying to meet your needs, and taking care of yourself.

Why pause?

Deliberately remembering to take a moment (or 10) creates space, in which opportunity for a range of choices can become apparent. I need to be clear at this point, the aim of pausing is not to create space to resist doing something, to control the outcome or NOT do something (for example, following through on an urge to eat). This really misses the point – you can hear more ranting here in “when mindful eating goes rogue.” In fact, you may end up eating, or making a food choice that you would have preferred not to make at that time. And although it might not feel like it (and I get that), it is fine. In opening up to make all options OK (including ones that you’d like to shift away from), you can create room for genuine choice, a space where you can feel empowered and that no matter the outcome, you’re just doing your best and it’s OK.

How long is a “pause?”

A pause may be literally 0.5 seconds, or it can be 10 minutes. The time itself doesn’t always matter but as I mentioned previously, your intention does.

 

What does “pausing” actually look like?

Not like anything in particular. It might mean closing your eyes, taking a breath & tuning in to your body’s signals, a body sensation, an emotion or thoughts. You may not even be able to describe them, and that’s OK. Just taking the time to pause, and notice, is a great first step. Then, assess your choices. If there are cravings about, you might get some ideas about what you can do here. Remember that all choices are OK (although it might not feel like it at first). Or it might mean being aware of an urge, going to your oven timer and turning it on for 10 minutes and heading outside to pat the dog. There’s no right or wrong, and are lots of things you can try to find the right “pause combo” for you!

Tune in. Then turn in…..

Here is a little meme that might help you get started….. I call it “PAUSE for PEACE”

– Fi

PEACE

When Mindful Eating Goes Rogue…

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When mindful eating goes rogue

 

Ahhhhh mindfulness & mindful eating. Everyone’s loving a bit of ommmmmm aren’t they? I am personally really passionate specifically about the role mindful eating practices play in nourishing and reconnecting back to the body, and for healing disordered relationships with food and eating. But I’m noticing something else. Something that’s quite disturbing. Something that knocks all the zen out of me and gets me cursing and swearing (more than usual, some may say). I’m noticing many organisations, companies and (perhaps well intentioned) people mis-using or misrepresenting mindful eating in a number of ways. Sometimes, it’s as a way to sell weight loss, “curb the cravings” or a way to control eating. Some may ask “well, what’s the problem? It’s not as if it’s a diet!” Well it can be, believe me! There are quite a number of very important, yet perhaps subtle differences between mindful eating and the style of mindful eating that is incorporated into diet programs. Read More [Read more…]

Hello cravings!

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Hello craving! I see you. What are you telling me?

Hello craving

Cravings can be mysterious creatures, popping up from (what feels like) nowhere, insisting on your paying attention NOW. Do something about me NOW. Do not focus on your work, your conversation, your book. It’s all about me me MEEEEE!!!!

Cravings come in different forms, and are interesting to get curious about. Really unpack. When we’re able to see them as giving us messages, rather than something to avoid, eliminate, or be a slave to, then they can help us to pay enough attention that we can take care of ourselves without falling into a cycle of being over-attached, or avoidant. Read More

When you’re willing to engage from a place of curiosity, rather than from judgement, it opens up opportunities for decoding cravings, for finding out more about them. Again, the aim is not to “get rid” of them, but to pause and make space for them so that we’re calmer and can respond from a place of respect and compassion rather than judgement.

I often find that cravings can come in a few different forms (and of course are unique to everyone). Warning – I have completely made up these different “groups” of cravings from the many experiences my clients have shared with me. Your experience may be different, and not fall neatly into one of these categories 🙂

Nutritional cravings – these are the ones that tell you when you need salty foods, or specific weirdo foods that seem pretty random. Chances are, your body might need these foods to correct an imbalance of some sort, or something you need to heal. Pregnant women know all about this 🙂

Memory cravings – these are the ones that we tend to turn to when we are seeking comfort from the past. For example, when we think about, or have contact with parents or grandparents, it can remind us of foods that we enjoyed as children. We may seek these foods as a form of comfort or to reignite feelings of pleasure that we’ve experienced in the past. At these times, acknowledging that we’re looking for comfort can be a great first step, before asking whether there are other ways you can seek comfort. Alternatively, by eating (and enjoying) the foods that have special meaning to you, you can make your own special connection to your past, which can be incredibly healing as well.

Sensory cravings – these are the ones that occur when we have a sensory experience of a food. For example, you may smell a particular food, and all of a sudden really want it. Or you see something, and all of a sudden that’s all you want to eat. Thanks pretty Instagram pics, you did take me to that amazing cafe, but sadly the food experience was disappointing compared to the pic. Boohoo. Which brings me to an interesting point. When we really feel like an eating experience doesn’t meet our expectations, or feels disappointing (as it did for me), then there is a chance we will turn to another food in an effort to feel satisfied, even if we’re not hungry. You can read more about food cues from a previous blog post HERE.

So what can you do about cravings? Well, nothing. And something. When I mean nothing, what I mean is that you don’t need to do anything urgent, in that moment. Rather, an alternative is to

1. Press pause – specifically, for a minute or two. Time is take a few breaths and find some space.

2. Consider your choices – this is where mindful eating can diverge into dietland (which makes me a bit upset!!). Some people advocate that this is where you specifically don’t eat, where you find “something else to do.” That is fine, as one of your options. Also eating what you feel like is one of your options. How this is different is that we’re not manipulating the situation so that you’re avoiding eating. Rather, we’re creating awareness, so that you’re in a position to make a choice in a calmer, clearer place. Which leads us onto a few options……

3A. You choose to eat. Aim to enjoy your food mindfully. Savour the flavours. Notice when the pleasure drops off. Fully engage. This is a fine choice. Go you.

3B. You choose not to eat, but to choose another suitable activity or task. Or do nothing but breathe. This is a fine choice. Go you.

Cravings are like text messages. The aim is not to ignore them, delete them or read them over and over again. But to read them once, step back and inject some curiosity. Be kind, be compassionate. Respond rather than react. If we want cravings to subside, we need to hold them differently.

Thanks cravings. But we’ve got a message in response….it’s not all about you

 

 

 

Glorifying Obesity? WTF?

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Hello, my name is Sarah and I do something that I know is really bad for my health.

I read the comments.

And in all the wonderful body positive, fat positive, plus size yogi and HAES posts I read there is a common thread. A horrified, self-satisfied set of voices who are very vocal (spoiler alert, it’s not the lovely supporters of these posts leaving compassionate and insightful comments for the author)

It’s the CAPS LOCK brigade who shout “Put those hideous photos away, you are GLORIFING OBESITY” and then if that message is not heard, they go on to double whammy. “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE HELPLESS FAT CHILDREN”  and “COST TO THE HEALTH SYSTEM” and they are angry, so very angry (that’s another post). .Read More

Are you freaking kidding me? ‘Glorifying Obesity’  via a few articles and photos (which reflect a real range of bodies) is sadly not possible in the current climate of fat hate. Why not call it what it is? A reflection of the range of human size and shape. No one is at risk here, back away slowly…

So the minority of media who *dare* to celebrate or even just tolerate a diverse set of bodies are somehow complicit in encouraging the (fat phobic) public get fat or stay fat? That they are glorifying the experience of being fat? That somehow these handful of article and images could somehow traverse decades of discrimination and make obesity glorious? Ha! I wish they could, I hope they are doing something to chip away at the bias, but this is slow societal change.

Let’s just pause to consider that fat people are paid less, promoted less and associate with such words as “lazy” and “greedy” even by educated health professionals (which many studies reveal are reluctant to touch or even treat larger bodies). They are considered “lesser” in so many ways it is breathtaking; less healthy, less attractive, less active.

It’s not possible to glorify something this vilified.

So let me clear up what these articles actually do encourage:

  • Diversity of bodies: it’s OK if your body is not represented by societies current rigid ideal of beauty
  • Self-Esteem: it’s OK if you are fat to feel OK about yourself, your style and your body
  • Self-Compassion: It’s OK to be nurture and nourish yourself and your body at any size
  • Inclusivity: It’s OK to be different
  • Basic Human Rights: You are worthy of love and affection and to take up as much space as you please
  • Health: It’s not possible to judge anyone’s health by looking at their body
  • Worth: You are worthy of living life at any size and not waiting till society says you are worthy of that holiday, that dress, that man

I am sure there are more (let me know!) but when I look at this list, I think that about sums up all the traits I want to have as a human. How could helping people feel worthy and comfortable about themselves be a cap’s lock offence? Why aren’t we thrilled that bias and judgement are being challenged?

I really hope that this media presence of larger bodies continues and at some point the angry haters get lost in the joy of celebrating all bodies. I hope we can glorify not just fat bodies, but all bodies. Short, tall, wide, narrow..all of them! Bodies are amazing and we should never feel shame for the shape ours is.

Note: I completely and wholeheartedly agree that there are many other groups in society which experience similar and greater discrimination, this post is just exploring one.

 

Join us in November in Hepburn Springs to become a Body Positive Warrior! 

Health…the authentic way

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This week I had one of those awesome “light bulb” moments (cue Snoopy…. apparently he’s back, which also makes me very happy!)

 

I was listening to the wonderful US Dietitian Evelyn Tribole share her “Intuitive Eating” wisdom and she said just a few words that have really stuck with me….. “authentic health.” She only said the words once amongst so many wonderful points and said it in the context of helping people find that unique combination of wellness and self-care behaviours that support optimum health. I was so distracted by the brilliance of the phrase that I did the whole “underline-underline-circle-highlight-dog-ear-the-corner-of-the-notebook” thing and for the rest of the day, I was thinking about these two little words, and what I think they mean?.Read More

To me,  “authentic health” is:

  • Unique to each and every person
  • Not without effort, or attention
  • Imperfect
  • Not struggling, forcing or “holding on”
  • Something that changes over time
  • Subject to our own expectations & beliefs about health (our own, that of others)
  • Not found in someone else’s version of best health
  • Not found on the internet (for $9.99!!)

 

Authentic is health is available to everyone when we’re able to pay attention to the direct experience of our own bodies, and respond in a timely and appropriate manner if or when necessary.

It’s impossible to enjoy perfect health at all times. But the message we’re sent it that unless we pay perfect attention (all the time!!), and do all the “right things” that we’re just Xkg/lbs, 1 green smoothie, or 1 chocolate brownie away from either enjoying perfect health, or joining the gang of people who are 1 bite of food away from our weight getting out of control, or suffering a health-related disease.

Authentic health invites us to shift our attention away from the myriad of confusing messages in our environment and instead pay respectful attention to the direct experience of our own body. To see ourselves as the expert, and to care for ourselves as human beings worthy of respect and compassion. I feel passionately that Mindful Eating (or Intuitive Eating) is a critical piece of this puzzle and offers us opportunities to pay attention in a different way to the foods we eat, and how we eat them. We also take into account dietary quality, and aim to nourish ourselves with foods that provide valuable and energy-giving nutrients and additionally invites us to look more broadly at the factors that help us connect more fully and authentically with the quality of life that we want. For example, giving some time and attention to how particular foods make us feel – do they feel comfortable, or uncomfortable? Knowing what I know (about myself and this situation), do I need a heartier meal before I start this task for the day, or would it be more helpful to eat a familiar and smaller meal? The aim is to stay connected to the body, with full permission to eat any particular food. And to remain flexible – yes, you can change your mind!

Much as we try to define “health” it really comes down to a particular set of behaviours that are suited to an individual, which optimises both physical and emotional health. It’s important that we do bring awareness to the foods we choose to eat, giving some thought and consideration to choices. Many people actually get into habits of over-thinking every single little thing they eat, counting calories or grams of every food, mentally making a catalogue (and then judging that catalogue) at the significant expense of emotional and mental health.

 

So on paper, if you’re meeting your nutrient requirements, ticking off all your food groups and moving your body according to guidelines things should be tickety-boo yeah? Erm, no. Off paper, anything could be happening which can also impact health. Stressing or worrying about food or body, ignoring signals that your body doesn’t tolerate particular foods, getting soreness from particular forms of exercise or avoiding social eating situations are all contributors to overall health and wellbeing.

If we’re to be at our most authentically healthy, we’ll need to come to terms with a few things. Firstly, health factors are not always within our control (ie. there is a decent sh$t happens factor). Even people who, on paper, are doing most of the things that maintain optimum health get injuries, become sick, have accidents and get diagnosed with illnesses. It really sucks sometimes. There is some effort and attention required, but perhaps not the sort that you’re used to? Authentic health invites you to shift attention and spend some time getting to know what feels good in your body, and what feels less so. This is not just about food and eating, but about ways to move your body, socialising, how you spend your time and ways you take care of yourself. It’s a “whole-self” undertaking!

 

Authentic health_IG

 

 

 

 

 

Ditch the Diet…..not so easy peasy?

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“Ditch the Diets!!” or my fave “JUST Ditch the Diets!”

What is wrong here? I bet you can tell that I’m going on a rave again……#sorrynotsorry

I’m a HUGE fan of the Non Diet Approach to health and wellbeing, aiming for more ‘moderation’ and ‘balance’ as defined by their meaning to each unique individual. It’s just that lately I’ve been noticing a deluge of (often very well-intentioned) people inviting their posse to “just ditch the diet!” It sounds fantastic in theory, and I notice lots of those posts are accompanied by these mysterious little creatures/icons high fiving, thumbs upp-ing and blowing those cute little kisses in response to this phrase. Awwww…….*warm fuzzy feeling* . Read More

BUT it also leaves me…….cringeing somehow? I often wonder how much the poster truly understands about the struggles of people who diet, who are disconnected from food & eating, who detest their bodies. It’s like saying “love your body!” or “ditch the scales!” And it just sends me to the wine bottle when people specifically promote giving up dieting as a way to lose weight. Note: You. Have. Missed. The. Point!! Serious *face palm*

It’s well respected that letting go of strict rules is a necessary part of healing the relationship with food and body. It makes total sense, but is in fact a huge challenge. It can feel uneasy or shaky, scary, frightening. And it also makes sense to feel this way in the face of our current culture, which “normalises” the cutting out of foods, or food groups and applauds dietary control as being “committed” or “disciplined.” Oh dear.

Letting go of strict rules is a necessary part of healing the relationship with food and body, but….

I’ll invite you to imagine this scenario….. 2 people are standing on opposite sides of a canyon, having this conversation:

Peep 1: “Helloooooooo????”

Peep 2: “Helloooooooo!!!!”

Peep 1: “How can I help yooou?”

Peep 2: “I want to eat naturally and normally, but I’ve dieting for soooooo long!”

Peep 1: ““Aha! I know what you can do! Just ditch the diet!”

Peep 2: “Whaaaaaaat?? I don’t understand???”

Peep “I said, just ditch the diet! You know……eat foods in moderation, eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full! Go on, jump!”

Peep 2 “WTFaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrk!”

Peep 1 is making some great suggestions. But he/she is making something quite complex sounds quite simple. Peep 2 wants to trust Peep 1 it’s just that Peep 2 has been dieting for many years, and really struggles to feel confident about herself and trust her food choices. She doesn’t really know what moderation is anymore, and has no concept of her hunger and fullness signals. There is also a certain euphoria that comes about with the decision to cut out foods and then there’s the admiration that comes with weight loss! The shame that emerges when she just can’t hang on anymore is terrible, but she’s not sure what else to do. She’s tried “not dieting” but then ends up eating anything and everything, so if that’s “ditch the diet” she says “talk to the hand mofo!”

So let’s slow this down a little…….when we say “ditch the diet”, it’s really describing an end-point, rather than the (very difficult) process of moving away from rules and restrictions, to total freedom with food and eating. It’s also telling people what NOT to do, rather than what TO do……and if there are no (helpful and substantial) ideas about what TO do instead, it can be a source of enormous frustration for the people who need to hear this message the most.

In order to leave the perceived safety of dieting behind, trust needs to be built. Trust in our own inner voice, and inner wisdom whilst building up resilience against outside messages which can derail efforts towards more balanced eating patterns. It takes time. My experience with my clients is that, at first, people report listening to what they need and feel like as unnerving, different and ….weird? That’s to be expected – at first. However, over time things settle into something more natural, more instinctive and more intuitive. The truth is that there is no-one else who can know what you need better than you. The only kind of nutrition self care that makes sense is the one that you develop for yourself.

 

In order to leave the perceived safety of dieting behind, trust needs to be built

 

The reality is that we live in a world in which it’s hard for people to turn away from the “dream body” and the “dream life” that the body will bring. It takes a hell of a lot of courage. And time, patience & persistence. There are no promises with peaceful eating – no golden goose, no magic life, no dream body. BUT, there is way much more in store……a brain that is free to pay attention to the things in life that are truly important. A body that is settled, and steady. A self that can be trusted, that can be relied upon, that can GET SOME SERIOUS SHIT DONE.

There is discomfort either way. Stick with the diets, and miss out on a whole lotta living. Move away from diets and rules, and it can feel like stepping out into the great unknown (at first). Developing the skills to tolerate the inevitable anxiety that arises when things are different, or feel different, is a life-long skill that can equip you to weather the tides of life. You already have the knowledge and wisdom to take care of yourself. Plus, hello! You are human, and part of being human is not always getting it right….welcome 🙂

So, what is my suggestion about what you can do instead of just “ditching the diet?” In all honesty, the way out of diet-land is very different for everyone, although there are probably some common strategies that can be helpful. These may include introducing a little more flexibility within your acceptable food variety, gradually introducing foods (with support) that you’ve been avoiding, developing awareness of your hunger and fullness cues, eating with others (rather than alone), expanding recipe selection and exploring fears around letting go of dieting. And if you’re totally confused about what “normal” eating might look like, I give this homework to my clients (who give me the feedback that it can be really helpful)……imagine a friend is coming to stay that eats normally. What would you buy and prepare for them? Aim to leave any judgements about the food to the side for a sec, as you just consider what might constitute a “normal” meal.

Another suggestion is that you see a Non Diet Dietitian (you can look for one HERE). These are eating specialists that can help you start from where you are NOW, and support you to find ways forward out of diet-land. They won’t judge you, won’t weigh you, and will make what is a tough journey an authentic one. And honestly, that’s what it’s all about……

You already have the knowledge and wisdom to take care of yourself. Take some time to listen….

It’s OK if you don’t “LURVE” your body

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I was reading Facebook as I am want to do after the school run (light relief before the dreaded homework hour) and I came across a post about how to be truly body positive you need to grab each and every part of your body and just all out love it to pieces, nudeing up and showing everyone who comes near you how much you love your bits, exuding extreme self-confidence.

For me and the people I work with everyday, that message can be a really hard one to embrace when you are struggling to do the work to build a bridge back to body appreciation and a reasonable level of body image. I am a fan of body love (read about that here)…but I feel like we are making it seem too insurmountable for people when we emphasise body image as one dimensional.Read More

Body Positive is many things; and sometimes it’s body neutral, not body love.

For some; it is a giant fist pump and a nude pic (go girl/boy if that feels good to you!) but for others it can be more gentle, less fanfare. I like to talk to people about moving from ‘discomfort to comfort’ in their bodies. That to me is a message that many can relate too. It doesn’t mean changing your shape, or  having to be uber comfy naked or even loving every single bit in the mirror every day (although it may and that’s great too). It means changing your mind and that is damn hard work.

You need to show up and challenge the negative thoughts and feelings you have about your body and lean a little closer into tolerating what you have previously loathed. It means being in your skin and being OK with how everything feels. It means becoming more embodied and less disassociated from your body. It means being mostly fine about not inhabiting societies ideal shape.  All possible, all attainable even when it feels like it’s a hard road.

It may also mean you don’t love bikini shopping in fluro lighting (it’s not just me right?) and yes, you are still body positive. I used to call them ‘bad body days’ when I  but just didn’t like how I felt  in my skin (hint: there was almost always something else going on) and I get them rarely now*, but I felt that their existence made me less of a body positive warrior, which it certainly did not.

I think we need to be less perfectionistic about everything, including body image.

 

*I think for me it had to do with cultivating not giving any damns what others thought about my body. If my big lycra covered arse doing yoga offends you then you are free to look away 🙂  Check out my body wisdom cards here   

I am not beautiful or average

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Dove wants me to #choosebeautiful in its latest call to arms to banish women’s insecurities and I am totally rejecting this thinly veiled sexist rubbish as counterproductive, shallow and one dimensional.

Firstly, lets acknowledge that Dove is part of a multi-billion dollar corporation, Unilever, which produces among other things; Slim-Fast and Sara Lee (so they promote dieting in the name of beauty and then helpfully provide the snacks when you overeat due to said diet) .Read More

So at best, this is a mixed message from a company which  has a vested interest in promoting the idea of beauty because it’s selling you products to enhance that beauty (cellulite cream anyone?)  At worst, I feel we are being openly manipulated.

Dove would have us believe that we are in fact very simple beings. That all women want deep down is to see themselves (and for others to see them) as beautiful. Well, to utilise a much more socially aware and feminist hashtag I am #notbuyingit

I don’t identify as one adjective. I am in fact (as I believe we all are) quite a complex and interesting person and I don’t think I need to characterise myself or my appearance (which by the way is not the most interesting thing about me) in such a simplistic way. I am on any given day a kind, selfish, bad-ass, brilliant, intuitive, generous, impatient and funny woman. Catch me tomorrow and I might be none of those things, but a dozen more.

Average is not the opposite of beauty, so I am not sure where this 2 door concept came from. Why do I have to choose?  If I came across that stupid enormous door I think I would back away in fright. I think its advertisers themselves who want us to believe we are just so easily labeled, I believe it serves their purposes to but us all into boxes with labels, but I don’t subscribe to it for real and complex people.

We do have to come to terms with the fact that we can’t all be exceptional, so to me average isn’t in fact a slur. I am  below par at some things, about average at others and completely awesome at others. That is in fact what makes me human; a wonderful mix of the ordinary and the extraordinary.

I would like to inhabit a space where my appearance is just one small thing you see when you look at me. When might that be possible do you think?

What’s eating you?

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What’s eating youWhy do we choose to eat what we do, when we do? Many people are thinking “yeah well, ain’t that the million dollar question!” The reality is that there are so many reasons people make the choices they do, with these reasons as unique as each human. Although there are certainly people who relate to NOT eating (or eating less) when times get tough, it’s much more common that we turn towards, rather than away, from foods as a way to cope. I mean, it’s pretty cheap, accessible, and tasty right?

The specific reasons why we might find ourselves turning to food are  not always obvious and some non-hungry eating (a term coined by the wonderful Dr Rick Kausman) is perfectly normal, as long as it’s amongst a range of other coping strategies. BUT, if you’re using food as your #1-go-to strategy when something arises (for example, difficult or upsetting thoughts, emotions or situations) then that CAN certainly present a problem. And then as well as feeling stressed or anxious (or whatever’s going on), you’re then adding really uncomfortable feelings of physical fullness, or even illness, to the difficulty you’re experiencing. Add a good dose of guilt to that and you’re onto a sure fire way to feel terrible. Read More

So why is it that people turn to food when they’re not physically hungry? Remember that sometimes the reasons can be really subtle; for example you might think you’re over-eating just because it’s a special occasion, it tastes amazing, or “I feel like I can’t help myself!” We’re given really strong messages that we “should” do this, or that, and that with enough effort, we CAN control our eating. But for the most part, that’s just not the case and for many people leads to a great deal of distress and difficulty as they make well-intentioned attempts to “control” their eating, only to find it leads to repeated loss of control….

Here are some of the main reasons people turn to food in an effort to temporarily comfort or distract themselves. I would add here that these phrases (as “thoughts” in our mind) are not usually the way non-hungry or over-eating will present itself at first, but with some reflection and awareness these are the most common reasons people tell me that they turn to food:

I’m bored…I’m sad….I’m angry…I’m tired….I’m ‘not allowed’ to eat that….I’m lonely…I feel guilty…I’m procrastinating…I want this to be perfect…and it’s not…I need something…but I’m not sure what it is…

Interestingly, these might not be obvious at first. Often people find themselves well into the eating stage, then sinking into guilt, berating & planning to “made amends” even before the food is all gone. But with some support, patience & awareness the specific reasons YOU might use food to cope can be revealed, and with that some new strategies for different, healthier ways of dealing with life’s difficulties. As sensible as that sounds, many people actually find that eating can be familiar, convenient and (temporarily) comfortable compared to the challenge of finding new and different ways of coping.

So what can you do when you come to realise that your little friend food is actually becoming your BFF? To get started, I’ll offer you this graphic which I came up with last week together with one of my wonderful clients, who is being incredibly courageous in her work towards a more positive relationship with food and finding alternative ways to cope when times get tough. Thanks S 🙂

Eatingwithwiseawareness

 

You can download this as  PDF eatingwithwiseawareness

What you’ll notice is plenty of the following words:

Pause

Acknowledge

Drop the guilt

Move on

It’s not easy, but these are the main themes are form a strong foundation for becoming aware of the way you relate to food and find alternatives that meet your emotional and physical needs more closely. Meeting your TRUE needs, rather than pushing food on top of unmet needs, is one of the keys to having a more relaxed and balanced attitude to food and eating. We are inspired every day by the women we work with, who dig deep and prove to us time and time again that yes, it’s IS possible.

Please let us know if you have any questions, we’d love to hear from you!

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